Technology applications are central in the lives of teenagers today. In fact, nearly half report being online almost constantly and almost all go online daily. This time spent online can be beneficial for maintaining friendships, building communities, and expressing oneself. At the same time, even teenagers worry about the negative effects of being online.
Boys also learn lessons online about masculinity, relationships, and consent, some of which may be unhealthy. When harassment is brushed off as “just a joke,” or when social media feeds normalize degrading content, boys’ attitudes can shift in ways that increase the likelihood of harm. Algorithms learn from users’ watch time, clicks, and follows and can amplify attention‑grabbing, hostile, or sexual content that normalizes harmful ideas for teenagers. Peers can reinforce these ideas and be especially influential for boys: Sexist humor, homophobic teasing, and pile‑ons in group chats may look trivial or seem like an isolated event, but can quietly normalize harmful attitudes and behaviors and may even increase the odds of behaving violently later.
Below are five practical steps for parents, caregivers, and youth‑serving adults to help boys use technology with respect and care for themselves and their peers. These tips focus on what boys see, who they “follow,” and how they act—both online and in daily life.
Five Moves Adults Can Make Now
1Model and name the concepts of “harm” and “respect” every day.
Boys watch how adults explain what constitutes harm, so call things what they are (e.g., “That’s harassment, not humor.”), use consent language in everyday life (“We ask, we listen, we stop.”), and repair any setbacks when your own words miss the mark (“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”). Small, steady cues set the norm.
2Teach and tune an adolescent boy’s social media feeds.
Sit together and scroll for five minutes. Ask questions like, “What is your content teaching you about friendship, dating, and consent?” or, “How does that make you feel?” Then spend a few more minutes unfollowing or muting things that drag him down, using tools like YouTube’s Not interested/Don’t recommend and Instagram’s Hidden Words. Further, this feedback can encourage following creators who model empathy and respect.
3Build a pause‑before‑share habit.
Try the UN’s “Pledge to Pause” routine and encourage him to ask: Who made this? What’s the source? Why am I sharing it? This habit can curb misinformation, pile‑ons, and casual cruelty—and help people make better online choices.
4Set simple guardrails on online activity that are faithfully maintained.
For example, try a 30- to 60-minute digital sunset before bed, charge phones outside of bedrooms, make meals device‑free for everyone, and support focused homework (phone out of reach, keep only necessary browser tabs open, and plan short breaks). These tips align with recommendations in the APA Health Advisory on Adolescent Social Media Use and can be reinforced with an AAP Family Media Plan.
5Develop skills as an upstander (not a bystander) when observing boys’ social behaviors.
Teach the 5 D’s: Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct. For example, distract a person who is being harassed to interrupt the moment; delegate monitoring by asking other trusted adults to help or by using in-app tools to report harassment or bullying; document harmful incidents that do occur (possibly via recording); delay harmful effects by checking in with those involved (“I saw that—want support?”); or be direct and call out harmful behaviors when safe to do so (“That’s harassment—not a joke. Please stop.”). Choose the option that keeps everyone safe: The first four options are indirect by design. You can practice these interventions in low‑stakes ways, like sending a supportive direct message to someone harmed, posting a kind comment, or quietly reporting harmful content.
If Something Goes Wrong
- Document what happened (screenshots, dates, usernames). For detailed steps, see StopBullying.gov’s reporting guidance.
- Block and report using in‑app systems, and at school when peers are involved.
- Remove images: For minors, go to NCMEC's “Take It Down”; for adolescents ages 18 and older, go to StopNCII.org.
- Report crimes: Use NCMEC's CyberTipline for suspected online child sexual exploitation; see the FBI’s sextortion guidance if there’s sextortion (blackmail where someone threatens to share sexual images or private information).
- Care for your teenager: Thank him for telling you things and make a plan together.
Many boys want to use technology to connect, learn, and show care. Clear rules, small daily habits, and open conversations can help prevent online harm from becoming real‑world harm and give adolescent boys more chances to show empathy, respect, and courage—whether online or off.
Suggested citation
Wilson, A.C. (2025). 5 Ways to Help Boys Use Tech Respectfully. Child Trends. DOI